Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Passive-Aggressive Texter

Ahhh, the passive aggressive text. We've all gotten one. You know, that seemingly random message that pops up on your phone screen from a significant (hopefully past) other who appears to be talking to someone else. Whether it was a 3 a.m. "drunk" text or a middle of the day text, you probably know it when you see it. I read a Gawker post today about a 31 year old woman who went on one movie date with a lawyer. Following the date he texted her that he had a good time, wanted to get to know her better, liked her, and then proceeded to ask her if she wanted to get to know him better too.

Time out.

Let me just say that already I'm turned off by this approach of texting these post-date feelings. Then again, I'm not a big fan of texting. Positive as his message may have initially sounded, to me, texting can be cowardly. He was setting her up to have to respond via text her emotions and desires for future dates instead of inquiring face to face or via phone immediately after the date. He had a 50/50 chance. She politely thanked him for the date and told him that she didn't feel they had a connection. Now, if you read Gawker you know that those texts are now enlarged and posted...shared...and posted some more on numerous sites for thousands of people to see. And comment on. What follows is him texting her back that she's missing out and he would have done anything for her. While, down the road, that very well may have been true, his post the next day belittling her, her looks, and the date, that "accidentally" went to her and not his friend eliminates any respect for him.

(And the message was looong. Like, at least three text boxes worth. Do men really text each other memoirs like that?! If so, I'm jealous.)

His transparent text an hour later apologizing and promising the text referred to another woman made matters more despicable. Really, how many women did you take to see The Avengers yesterday?! Texts that "accidentally" show up on your phone are often just that. Accidents. But sometimes they're attempts to get a response, the last awful word, insult, or take some type of relationship stand without having to take full responsibility; or as a way to segway into what they've wanted to say, but haven't had the guts to bring up. I've received a few since dating through texting has gotten out of control and saw right through them. Silence is often a good policy as to not sink to their level after you've seen the person's true colors, but a simple, "who is this?" can also turn the tables quite nicely. ;)