Sunday, July 29, 2012

Dead Ever After

It's official fellow Sookie Stackhouse fans!! The thirteenth and final book in the Sookie Stackhouse novel series is due for release on 

May 7th 2013: DEAD EVER AFTER 

I can hardly wait! I can also hardly take the fact that this will be the final book! What are we going to do come 2014? After 13 years of waiting for Charlaine Harris awesomeness and Sookie Stackhouse adventures, this final novel is bound to be amazeballs! 

Quarter of a Century of Love, Loss, and Learning

After a quarter of a century of heartbreaks, maturing, and lessons learned I can say wholeheartedly that I have been blessed with attaining a plethora of wisdom. I have even found my first silver hair to prove it. I will now refer to myself as “Silver Fox”...

I’ve been over the river and through the woods when it comes to receiving my share of heartbreaks. I've been broken up with before prom, cheated on, lied to, avoided to the point of relationship spontaneous combustion, and most recently, receiving a text message along with a smorgasbord of lies and deceit. (Classy, fella.) In some instances, I had to find the courage deep inside to walk away from someone I cared about after realizing I deserved more than what he chose to give me. But several heartbreaks; thousands of tissues; and one awkward, drunken break-dance solo later, I know myself, my core values, and emotional needs. I know what I want and need in a relationship and from a partner.

And I won’t settle for less.
Yes, a lot of times you have to let your partner know what’s bothering you or how they may have hurt you. However, and here’s the kicker, if s/he doesn't truly demonstrate that they care about your feelings, consider the situation a priority, or genuinely seek to make amends and restore a sense of normalcy and trust, then it’s time to move on and find someone who finds that important. The only person and actions you can change is you and your own. However, it takes two to make a relationship work, and if only one partner appears to be putting in the emotional girth it takes to strengthen a relationship, then you’re most likely in it on your own. And that’s no way to live…or love. We all have to look at ourselves and what we bring to a relationship. I'm sure most have read, if not heard about, the Oprah-raved best-seller, He’s Just Not that Into You, but I often think that puts too much focus on the man and women just having to react. Ladies! Stand tall! If he’s not giving you what you need and want, treating you the way you deserve to be treated, or goes back on expectations, you don’t need to be that into him.

I have learned that you truly have to understand your own needs and love yourself because when you truly appreciate and love yourself, the unrequited or rejected love of someone else will hurt and take time to heal, but it doesn't have to consume you if you don’t allow it. That sense of self worth can help cushion the blow of losing a specific person and put you on the path of excitement at knowing that you’re a step closer to finding someone who can better give you what you need. I personally believe that God truly does close one door and opens another, but often we spend so much time in the corridor looking back at the closed door, that we miss or delay the journey that is before us. The man I pray to marry doesn’t have to be a billionaire, an Olympic athlete, a rocket scientist, or someone who has walked on the moon. He just needs to love me from the moon and back with no fear of showing me and shouting it from rooftops; with a heart that beats in time with mine that understands the pain of betrayal and love loss, and bears the scars from many a broken moment, but wants to mark a new path and future with me.

Through the pain and heartbreak, my brother's straight forward comment that despite what anyone does, "so what, you're still awesome" resonates. I think that's something many people can hold to. Hey, I even have my own theme song. :)

'Let's Play Monogamy!'

‘Let’s play Monogamy!!’

No? I thought if I made it sound more like a Parker Brothers game popular in the 80’s more people would be inclined to practice it. As news reports and candid photos swooped in earlier this week of Twilight and Snow White and the Huntsman star Kristen Stewart locked in various embraces and smooches with first time Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders, fans of the vampire saga are asking (and crying in YouTube videos) “How could you Kristen?!” The question is a plead for understanding as to how she could break her Twilight co-star and real-life boyfriend of four years, Robert Pattinson’s, heart. I’m sure Liberty Ross is asking that of her husband, Sanders, just not as publically.

What stands out to me is that Rupert Sanders is not receiving an equal measure of backlash as Stewart when he is the older of the two who cheated on his family. Yeah, those photos and the taunting jeers of child bullies, and nosy adults will soon affect them too. True, the English director was fairly unknown mainly doing commercials before the successful Snow White reimagining hit the screen, but he is a 41 year old married father of two who allowed his urges to rule him. His wife, Ross even played Stewart’s mother in the film. Both of their actions may have shattered a family and though it’s a scandalous news sensation, this type of betrayal is all too common in relationships for celebrities and non-celebrities alike. Ironically, though Stewart is receiving more backlash, what’s more disturbing to me is that I’ve read articles and user comments claiming that ‘it’s not cheating if you’re not married.’ Whoa. What is it then? Just messing around for kicks and giggles? With that mindset it's no wonder some people treat exclusive relationships like drawn out speed dating sessions, and relationships lack the maturity and morality to blossom into something even more serious as marriage. Cheaters and adulterers are selfish and lack character and moral standing whether they’re married or in a serious, exclusive relationship. It’s my opinion that after the betrayal has occurred in a non-marriage relationship the excuse of, “oh I didn’t realize we were that serious” is what cheaters tell themselves to try and sleep through the night and to deflect guilt like a soccer ball. An adulterers affair can have damaging results that ripple through numerous lives and alter a true union. Relationships are hard work in and of themselves as you open yourself up to someone else and place your heart into someone else's hand. Let's do ourselves a favor and stick to monogamy, or find the guts to allow that person to find someone who wants to solely be with them without all the lies and betrayal.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

The Breakup Blog

I am not, nor do I claim to be, a relationship or Psychology expert. However, I do believe these are some helpful tips for dealing with the heartache of a break up, although everyone may have their own personal ways. In addition, many things are easier said than done. After all, broken hearts take the longest to heal....

  • Pray. Meditation is also good for the soul.
  • Immerse yourself in a piece of literature; get your mind on another plot or story. 
  • Indulge yourself. Go out to eat with a friend at a favorite restaurant spot. And don't be afraid to dine out alone! Make food a friend, not an enemy. :)
  • Rub your bunny, puppy, cat, etc. Animals are great for giving and receiving love, and they are quite intuitive. It's as if they can read your emotions. 
  • Go out walking or biking. Be in the sunlight and beauty of nature. 
  • Don't get too caught up in sappy, slow, depressing love songs. 
  • Find a new hobby to keep your mind and body busy. 
  • Try to laugh and be around people who'll laugh with you. It's a good feeling. (And the endorphins will work wonders.)
  • Stay away from social networking websites for a while. It will only hurt and make the healing process longer if you try to stay current with what your ex is doing or whom s/he is with, or analyzing photos. That's one of the worst things you can do to yourself. 
  • Talk to someone who has been in the same/similar situation. It helps to put a face with the knowledge that you can make it through as well. 
  • Go get ice cream with a friend. 
  • Keep a journal of emotions, thoughts, and feelings. 
  • Be prepared to have good days, bad days, and a whirlwind of emotions. 
  • Talk with a friend or loved one; don't bottle things up. 
  • Cry. It's perfectly okay. It's an unspoken conveying to yourself of how you feel. 
  • Tinker with some arts and crafts. Create something, juxtapose to the loss of love you're feeling. 
  • Everyday you're getting stronger. Be proud of yourself; don't beat yourself up. And remember: "We must face tomorrow, whatever it may hold, with determinationjoy, and bravery.” ~ Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium :) 
  • Time is your friend...."Time wounds all heels." ~John Lennon :) 
  • No two people are the same. Therefore, don't compare the time it takes for you to heal to the time it takes for someone else. Whether it takes a few weeks or months, don't worry. Love lost is just that: a loss. Everyone processes and deals with heartbreak differently. Just don't let discouragement make you feel as if you're not making progress. 
  • Take a vacation. This will allow time to/for yourself, a change of scenery, and an opportunity to process your thoughts and emotions. 

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Taboo Tuesday: The 'Weighting' Game

Imagine hearing someone say (or type), “Yeah, you could use a few less tacos.” Rude right? It’s the kind of comment that would get the extreme side-eye and maybe even a reprimand or a butt-whoopin’. Well, apparently the opposite is not the case. Meaning a comment like,“You could use a cupcake or two” or “Yeah you can afford to eat another plate” isn’t considered rude. In fact, you can attach a winky face or ‘LOL’ on the end and it is as good as comedy.


I’m a petite woman. Like ZoĆ« Saldana / Kerry Washington petite. But have you noticed?Those ladies are fierce, fabulous, beautiful women of color. I’m also a Modern dancer so I stay in shape like Columbiana as opposed to looking skeletal like Ghost Rider. I, like most women, don’t like talking about weight and pant sizes but other women seem to feel very inclined to talk about or point out my weight but expect for their weight to not be brought up. “What are you, a size -2?” “I haven’t been your size since I was 5…if then!” Well, square that number and you’ll probably have your current pant size. This is the type of response I’d often like to give, but then I’d get looks like I just did a Linda Blair head spin. Instead I give a ‘no’ or silent response to off-the-wall weight hypotheses and a side-eye to other unrequested comments. You see, the main women who feel the need to comment on my weight have been middle-aged women who often look like they curse the gym and, oh yeah, don’t know me! People who know me may call me something like ‘Little Bit’ or chuckle that I’m “no bigger than a minute,” but I know them, they know me, and I don’t get the sense of resentment or ugliness in their comment. So here’s a thought, strange women who feel the need to address my size and/or weight, you watch your weight, and I’ll watch mine. K? Thanks.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Drop Dead Diva: Legally Fabulous

First off, I can't tell you how fabulous Brooke Elliott is, who plays the lead character Jane Bingum on Lifetime's Drop Dead Diva. She's gorgeous, funny, strong, and smart all wrapped up into a character who essentially plays two roles simultaneously. Former actress and model Deb Dobkins died and her soul went into the body of 'plain Jane' lawyer Bingum upon a flatline due to a gunshot wound. Elliott plays Bingum with an intellectual sassyness, courtroom runway walk, and hair flip that creates a charming sensation onscreen. Drop Dead Diva is one of my favorite shows, but with it's timeslot conflicting with True Blood in the past, I often missed episodes and would try to catch up via DVR. However, with the lackluster appeal of True Blood recently, DDD is getting top tier of my viewing choice. 

While I love Elliott and the cases and plots of the show, season four of Drop Dead Diva has been especially frustrating for me solely based on the recurring characters intertwined in plot lines.Ummm, firstly, Kim Kardashian has the acting range of a waffle so her appearance on the show as the love guru named Nikki coaxing Stacey over to the dark side on the allure of cookies, while actually planning on stealing all of her money was difficult and very annoying to watch. While comically alluding to real life aspects of Kardashian's life, I was waiting patiently for Jane to slap the makeup off of Nikki who was clearly her archnemesis. Brandy's character Elisa had a prior relationship with Parker, then seeks his legal assistance eight years later, accepts his offer for a job when she faces legal troubles and, oops, decides not to reveal that they have a son together. However, this season, when their son, Eric, ventures to spend quality time with Parker it isn't too long before Elisa comes to take Eric away to Canada for a new job. She continues to refer to Eric as "her son" and how "they did just fine without him [Parker]" I was quickly tired of Brandy's character for using Parker when it was beneficial for her, but not allowing him to form a real relationship with his son.

Luke. There are a quite a few words that come to mind when I think of Luke but for the purpose of this blog, I'll leave most of them out. Rather than a guardian angel, Luke seems like some type of slickster who doesn't have Jane's best interest at heart, as Fred once did, as much as striving to eliminate Deb's spiritual presence altogether. He has gone out of his way, physically and magically, to keep Jane and Grayson apart, but when it came to keeping Jane from experiencing the heartbreak of Owen leaving her in last Sunday's episode, he was no where in sight. WTH? I'm ready for Fred to come back, or a new guardian angel to be assigned to Jane.

UPDATE: July 15, 2012 Drop Dead Diva A very emotional episode which brought an end to a few storylines. Or are they? Time will tell where the characters go from here. Rosi Golan's "Can't Go Back" playing at the end of the episode put a cap on my tear fest.

Photo courtesy of

Quote of the Day (7/15)

"To become reconciled to a friend with whom you have broken, is a form of weakness; and you pay the penalty of it when he takes the first opportunity of doing precisely the very thing which brought about the breach; nay, he does it the more boldly, because he is secretly conscious that you cannot get on without him." ~Schopenhauer

Philosopher Schopenhauer was known for his philosophical clarity and pessimism, but I think this quote is a very interesting perspective on the adage: "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me". And this adage typically applies to romantic relationships.

Monday, July 9, 2012

True Blood: "Use It!"

USE IT!...USE IT!” This is a line from the lackluster final installment of the Blade trilogy, Blade: Trinity. (This was also the first of 3 comic book heroes Ryan Reynolds would play. Sigh.) But I digress. Blade repeats this to Whistler’s daughter when she feels hopeless after losing her friends in battle. This is the line I have been quietly chanting since season 4 as I watch, what I feel are, discombobulated episodes of True Blood. Throughout this blog I’m sure you’ve seen my fanatical love for all things Sookie Stackhouse Novels oriented, including seasons 1-3 of HBO’s hit series based on the novels, True Blood. As I quietly chant, “USE IT!” I am sincerely hoping that Alan Ball and friends can hear my plea for them to stop taking lame creative liberties and use the core plot of the novels for the respective seasons. This includes not diverging into a realm of subplots grasping for life on screen but filled with the stuff of Twinkies, and pushing characters who snap the audience back into attention and truly shine (Pam, Lafayette ) onto the backburner for 15 seconds of screen time. Does every major and minor character need to have an individual plot? No thanks. By the end of the episode, which seems to get shorter and shorter every week, my head is spinning with visions of smokey fire monsters, leather-clad Bill and Eric bopping along, and just all around “bad juju” (as Lafayette would say).

Tara was correct last night when she said that, “the more things change the more they stay the f*ng same!” Because although Tara is now a vampire, she is still angry and bitter with the world and the people in it. Thanks writers. (Insert sarcasm here) Just as I was beginning to like the new season 4 MMA, kick ass Tara , she comes full circle to the Tara who was trying to break away from Bon Temps all along. Plus side? It looks like she can hold her own against a vampire 2 years older than her. And speaking of things staying the same, Jason is still a guilt-ridden sex fiend with a kind heart and good intentions but who is not a werepanther. He spent so much of last season and the beginning of this season chasing after Jessica like a love-struck puppy that I found myself resenting the writers for not using his werepanther storyline from the novel. Honestly at this point in the show, that would probably just be one more supernatural creature added to a roster that is currently bubbling over in the show, but has no where to go. 

What do you think?