5 Reasons Why I Will Never Buy a Convertible

So there I was, cruising down the highway in my CR-V with the windows rolled down, the wind in my hair, and Corey Hart melodically lamenting about his nighttime eyewear apparel. And then...

Plop!

A bird dropped a 6.7 right on my windshield. Gag. Now, what did I ever do to that bird to make him so...angry?! So here are the top 5 reasons why you will never see my cute self behind the wheel of a convertible. (At least not on a long-term basis.)

1. Random hail-like bird poop droppings. Can you imagine that landing on your head, the fabric of your seats, or down your face?!! The horror.
2. I've never been very elegant in the "windblown look" department; I always get that one strand of hair in my eye which has to then be ungracefully removed. I'll most likely end up looking like the Bride of Frankenstein by the time I arrive at my destination. 
3. You'd be surprised at the number of times I have been approached by random Creepy McCreepies knocking on my car window. Seriously? I'm not taking any chances with the vulnerability of a convertible.
4. Pollen. 'Tree sperm' and I have a love-hate relationship.
5. Just my luck, the top would just so happen to malfunction when I was trying to avoid a massive and unexpected rainstorm.

By the way, I'm pretty sure, based on what was left on my windshield, that the bird was a tiny cannibal.