One of my new favorite online series to check in on every now and then is the Ask a Very Smart Brotha Live Series on Madamenoire.com. Pittsburgh native Damon Young is the co-founder of the popular Verysmartbrothas.com. Young answers reader's (primarily female) questions or requests on advice on the comings, goings, actions, and habits of men. I imagine the common mindset is 'What's better to understand a man than to get a male perspective, right?' His series is what I like to call, “real talk”. The common sense of the dating and relationship world is sometimes difficult to see and understand objectively when you’re in the throws of a rocky or downright bad relationship; or if you're head over heels in love. Young is straight up with his responses and pulls no punches, but many times can still answer with a sense of humor. One woman asked him if he thought cheating on a partner was okay if the partner cheated first. Young responded that if she wanted to play "Herpes Bingo" then to go right ahead.
As a recently single woman having experienced a quarter of a century of love, loss, and learning, I don’t think it’s a matter of thinking like a man, like the book and upcoming film suggest because then women get cynical and maybe even enter into a realm of their own brand of “game playing” which is, most likely, not who they really are. Ladies should respect themselves enough to know their own self worth without allowing someone’s disrespect, decrease of affection or insensitivity to lessen the way they view themselves. Also, with the two ears that God has given us, listening to what a man says should be at the forefront.
I repeat: Understand the words that are coming out of his mouth!
If he tells you that “you’re (or the relationship itself is) not as important as everything else in his life”, or after months of the relationship he is suddenly flipping the script and saying “who knows if we’ll be together in the future” then he is not the one for you.
Walk run away from that. He is telling you the truth and sooner
rather than later his actions will begin to emphasize his mindset. This may
involve him letting you down when it comes to plans, not making any at all, not
returning your calls/texts, or bailing on important dates and occasions. Ladies,
you don’t have to think like a man, just pay attention to what your man
is saying he is thinking.
I don’t believe in “thinking” like a man because half of the time women waste precious time and put themselves through the ringer and emotional episodes trying to figure out what men are thinking and the “whys” of some men and their unacceptable actions. Don’t bother. I think Cristina Yang's revelation on Grey's Anatomy last Thursday, after finding out about her husband's infidelity, said it best,
"I have an M.D. and a PhD. I'm a freaking cardio-thoracic
surgeon. I'm supposed to be studying for boards, the most
important exam of my life and I'm locked in the bathroom
crying...because of a boy" ~Cristina Yang
We as women have too much going for ourselves and are too strong, beautiful, and intelligent to allow the heartless or senseless actions of someone to crumble the world we have worked so hard to create for ourselves.