Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Facebook Rules of Conduct

In no particular order, here are some things to remember and take notice of when you're using the social network known as Facebook. 

1. Relationships aren't "official" until Facebook sends a notification from both parties. 
2. Unfriending someone who thinks they're your friend in real life= A big "F you" = Throwing down the gauntlet.

3. 'Poking' is next to cheating. 
Woman: So you just sit around and 'poke' all day?!
Man: Naw babe. It's not even like that! 
Woman: What's her name? Poker Face?!

4. Facebook stalking was a lot simpler before all of these nifty privacy settings. 
5. The dislike button is your own will power not to press 'like'. 
6. Please don't tag me in a message featuring 38 of your friends, so that a new notification is sent out for every single thread post. (Even after deleting the message.)
7. 6 people in your profile picture = I don't know who you are. 
8 . If your relationship status says "in a relationship" and your partners still says "single," there may be a problem. 
9. Status updates should not be like reading the plot to a Lifetime movie. 
10. No, I do not want a request to join you on Farmville, Fishville, Boogie-Bots, or anything of the sort. Please stop cluttering up my newsfeed. 
11. You live in Turkey. We have no friends or groups in common. How in the world did you find me on Facebook? 
12. Some applications are spammers waiting to pounce. 
13. Photo tagging can be your worst nightmare. 
14. Teachers, never Facebook friend or accept a request from your High School students. 
15. I hate that your name is as long as a haiku. 
16. There is a newsfeed option to choose whose info/updates you see more or less of. 
17. If your boyfriend/girlfriend is befriending 20+ ladies/men a day, you may need to have a chit chat. 
18. Why did you tag me in your random ol' photo of a grown man wearing a diaper holding a light saber? No thank you. 
19. Facebook chat...Never used it. Probably never will. 
20. Facial recognition could unknowingly tag you into that photo you never wanted your employer to see.
21. Change your password every once in a while. Hackers have been known to get in and spam almost everyone you know. 
22. The selection of "people you may know" are probably all the people you've been trying to forget.
23. If you delete me as a friend, please don't FB message me later. 
24. People can see when you've viewed, but opted not to respond to their FB message. 
25. Check your privacy settings often. The ghost in the machine probably changed them without your permission. 
26. The "Activity Log" displays all of your stalkerish actions. Every. Single. One.

Thank you for reading. Facebook safely.