Monday, July 15, 2013

True Blood 6.5 "F*ck the Pain Away" Recap: Bean Spillage and Tired Storylines

I semi tuned into the encore airing of True Blood Sunday night and spent most of my time rather bored, so I simultaneously took care of some laundry. However, here are the highlights:

An underwear clad Sookie gave a couple "I am woman, hear me vent!" speeches to Warlow, as her fae light ball levitatated in her hand, about how she's tired of men (particularly vampires) sexing her up, taking her for granted, and then trying to kill her. (Can we just take a second and high-five Anna Paquin's abs?!) Warlow confesses that he loves her and only killed her parents to stop their attempt to kill her first, contesting that he's not that bad of a guy, if you overlook the whole slaughtering of the fae. Bill bursts in (as he has had a habit of doing whenever Sookie's on the cusp of sex with another man) and commands, as his maker, Warlow to accompany him back home. We flashback to Warlow's hybrid transformation at the hands of Lillith.

Jessica killed three out of four of Andy's daughters, and to apparently ease the scene of unnecessary murders, writers had Jessica go on a horny guilt trip attempting to make out with Bill and subsequently feeling up Sarah Newlin after seeking solace from Jason. I was too through with Jessica in the last episode. She hides out from Andy instead of getting her comeuppance for killing his daughters. The only bittersweet high point of this episode was seeing Andy and Holly back together. Andy is able to save one of his daughters with some V locked up in the evidence locker. I'm guessing if the vampire who bites you and then gives you blood aren't the same then she won't turn into yet another vampire-fairy hybrid. Or maybe she'll become the Red She Hulk of the series and help take out Billith?! Anyway, Holly keeps Andy from going on a revenge hunt for Vampire Bill. (Whew! Thank you, Holly.) Marella told Andy that he needed to ensure the survival of half of their offspring. Who knows if that will lead into something bigger.

Eric and Tara allow themselves to be taking hostage in order to have what I'm guessing is a Captain Planet type reunion with Pam to combine powers and break out of Governor Burrell's concentration camp for vampires; a camp that has different levels of "research" which includes fang extraction, speed tests, and copulation tests. Pam elects for the copulation stage but instead ends up spilling major beanage on vampire details while in therapy, a session which she takes extreme, sassy offense. In an effort to save himself Steve Newlin told the governor all about Eric and we see Eric and Pam pitted against one another in a room with each holding a wooden stake. It looks like Pam is going to have some very harsh words about Eric turning Willa into a vampire, one of the dumbest, original plot points I've seen on this show.

You would think that by now Lafayette would have had a pow wow with Holly to devise some type of spell in order to keep murderous spirits from inhabiting his body all willy nilly. Alas, Lafayette once again has no control over his body while hurting someone he loves when he was only minutes earlier speaking to spirits with the utmost fabulousness. When the spirit of Sookie's father takes over Lafayette, he once again attempts to drown Sookie in an effort to keep her from Warlow or being turned. Is it just me or (between Jason and Sookie) even in death the elder Stackhouses are kind of d-bags?

Now for storylines that need to meet the 'true death':

Alcide is still a meathead who gets no respect or answers from anyone, so he takes his frustrations out on his father who won't even join his pack. Apparently sex with Sam didn't put Nicole in better spirits because she seemed more bummed about her life than the night before shifter sex; a night that preceded them unwittingly being spotted by Jackson Herveaux. Terry spilled the beans to yet another former war buddy about killing Patrick and then asks to be killed himself at the hands of something other than a smoke monster. Uh, ok bye.

Considering the title of this episode, no one was doing any f****ng besides imprisoned vamps and Jason and Sarah Newlin. And I really want her character to go away, but darn-it, she has some of the best lines: "When a woman comes to you in black lingerie, you unwrap her!" 

What did you think of True Blood episode 6.5 "F*ck the Pain Away? What major character, if any, do you think we'll see go this season?