Saturday, August 10, 2013

'The Expendables': Action Films, Action Heroes & Lots of...Action Part 2

Think of all the macho, action movies from the 80s and early 90s. Now, put all those leading, muscle-bound men in The Expendables. Finally, crank out some sequels and you’ve got yourself an All-Star Dream Team franchise of all the old-school bad asses you ever wanted to see on screen together. Remember in Last Action Hero when we were only able to imagine what it would be like to see Sly and Arnold on screen together?! Well, over a decade later and a few pounds heavier…wish granted. Apparently Willis got a little too big for his Die Hard britches, though, and demanded $4 million, rather than $3 million, for four days’ worth of shooting. Stallone was not having that and I think he said something to the effect of “I AM THE LAW!”  and in approximately 72 hours, Harrison Ford came swinging in ready to take the reins and replace Willis. Ford may be also taking the title of ‘Sequel King’ with Indiana Jones 5, Star Wars VII, and now The Expendables 3 in the works. Turns out even Expendables are expendable, after all. Well, at least in Bruce Willis’ case; but then again he is G.I. Joe, so he’ll probably be okay…

We're three days away from the 3 year anniversary of the release of The Expendables. My choices for future Expendable members (not including the recently revealed Gibson and Banderas and mentioned Snipes and Segal). My brother says you might as well just apply 6 degrees of separation from all the cast members and anyone who has ever been in a film with Sly, which in turn would result in a never-ending mega cast, but I'll stick with this list ;) 

·         Clint Eastwood (he wouldn’t even need any weapons, just his trusty finger gun)
·         Hulk Hogan (Suburban Commando style)
·         Carl Weathers (Mr. Action Jackson/Apollo Creed himself)
·         Sasha Mitchell (I miss his long legged kicks)
·         Danny Glover (but he’d have to have a cigar the whole time, don’t ask me why)
·         James Belushi (comedic timing precision)
·         Val Kilmer (Iceman, anyone?)
·         Tom Selleck (stache staying power)
·         Rutger Hauer (blind samurai, anyone?)
·         Armand Assante (Judge Dredd take 2)
·         Kurt Russell (Tango and Cash take 2)
·         I would be good with just a cameo from Roddy Piper delivering his They Live line, “I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick some ass. And I’m all out of bubblegum” and then whipping out a bazooka. End scene. 
·         In memoriam: Bruce Lee, Brandon Lee and Charles Bronson