After a quarter of a century
of heartbreaks, maturing, and lessons learned I can say wholeheartedly that I have been blessed with attaining a plethora of wisdom. I have even found my
first silver hair to prove it. I will now refer to myself as “Silver Fox”...
I’ve been over the river and
through the woods when it comes to receiving my share of heartbreaks. I've been broken up with before prom, cheated
on, lied to, avoided to the point of relationship
spontaneous combustion, and most recently, receiving a text message along with a smorgasbord of lies and deceit. (Classy,
fella.) In some instances, I had to find the courage deep inside to walk away from someone I cared about after
realizing I deserved more than what he chose to give me. But several
heartbreaks; thousands of tissues; and one awkward, drunken break-dance solo
later, I know myself, my core values, and emotional needs. I know what I want and need in a relationship and from a
partner.
And I won’t settle for less.
Yes, a lot of times you have to
let your partner know what’s bothering you or how they may have hurt you. However, and
here’s the kicker, if s/he doesn't truly demonstrate that they care about your
feelings, consider the situation a priority, or genuinely seek to make amends and restore a sense
of normalcy and trust, then it’s time to move on and find someone who finds that
important. The only person and actions you can change is you and your own.
However, it takes two to make a relationship work, and if only one partner
appears to be putting in the emotional girth it takes to strengthen a
relationship, then you’re most likely in it on your own. And that’s no way to
live…or love. We all have to look at
ourselves and what we bring to a
relationship. I'm sure most have read, if not heard about, the Oprah-raved
best-seller, He’s Just Not that Into You,
but I often think that puts too much focus on the man and women just having to react. Ladies! Stand tall! If he’s not
giving you what you need and want, treating you the way you deserve to be treated, or
goes back on expectations, you don’t need to be that into him.
I have learned that you truly have to understand your own needs and
love yourself because when you truly appreciate and love yourself, the
unrequited or rejected love of someone else will hurt and take time to heal, but it doesn't have to consume you
if you don’t allow it. That sense of self worth can help cushion the blow of
losing a specific person and put you on the path of excitement at knowing that
you’re a step closer to finding someone who can better give you what you need. I personally believe that God truly does close one door and opens another, but often we spend so much time in the corridor looking back at the closed door, that we miss or delay the journey that is before us. The man I pray to marry doesn’t have
to be a billionaire, an Olympic athlete, a rocket scientist, or someone who has
walked on the moon. He just needs to love me from the moon and back with no
fear of showing me and shouting it from rooftops; with a heart that beats in
time with mine that understands the pain of betrayal and love loss, and bears
the scars from many a broken moment, but wants to mark a new path and future with me.
Through the pain and heartbreak, my brother's straight forward comment that despite what anyone does, "so what, you're still awesome" resonates. I think that's something many people can hold to. Hey, I even have my own theme song. :)
