Facebook Rules of Conduct

In no particular order, here are some things to remember and take notice of when you're using the social network known as Facebook. 


1. Relationships aren't "official" until Facebook sends a notification from both parties. 
2. Unfriending someone who thinks they're your friend in real life= A big "F you" = Throwing down the gauntlet.

3. 'Poking' is next to cheating. 

Woman: So you just sit around and 'poke' all day?!

Man: Naw babe. It's not even like that! 

Woman: What's her name? Poker Face?!

4. Facebook stalking was a lot simpler before all of these nifty privacy settings. 

5. The dislike button is your own will power not to press 'like'. 

6. Please don't tag me in a message featuring 38 of your friends, so that a new notification is sent out for every single thread post. (Even after deleting the message.)

7. 6 people in your profile picture = I don't know who you are. 

8 . If your relationship status says "in a relationship" and your partners still says "single," there may be a problem. 

9. Status updates should not be like reading the plot to a Lifetime movie. 

10. No, I do not want a request to join you on Farmville, Fishville, Boogie-Bots, or anything of the sort. Please stop cluttering up my newsfeed. 

11. You live in Turkey. We have no friends or groups in common. How in the world did you find me on Facebook? 

12. Some applications are spammers waiting to pounce. 

13. Photo tagging can be your worst nightmare. 

14. Teachers, never Facebook friend or accept a request from your High School students. 

15. I hate that your name is as long as a haiku. 

16. There is a newsfeed option to choose whose info/updates you see more or less of. 

17. If your boyfriend/girlfriend is befriending 20+ ladies/men a day, you may need to have a chit chat. 

18. Why did you tag me in your random ol' photo of a grown man wearing a diaper holding a light saber? No thank you. 

19. Facebook chat...Never used it. Probably never will. 

20. Facial recognition could unknowingly tag you into that photo you never wanted your employer to see.
21. Change your password every once in a while. Hackers have been known to get in and spam almost everyone you know. 
22. The selection of "people you may know" are probably all the people you've been trying to forget.
23. If you delete me as a friend, please don't FB message me later. 
24. People can see when you've viewed, but opted not to respond to their FB message. 
25. Check your privacy settings often. The ghost in the machine probably changed them without your permission. 
26. The "Activity Log" displays all of your stalkerish actions. Every. Single. One.

Thank you for reading. Facebook safely. 

Valentine's Resolution 2013

I read an article today about the joys of being single during the holidays (hooray) but the mandatory nature of having a relationship during Valentine's Day. I sincerely disagree. My last Valentine's Day, while in a relationship, was spent crying and accepting the end of said relationship and the lameness of my then boyfriend. You see, that morning, ex BF ignored my call and chose not to greet me with a "Happy Valentine's Day", opting instead to send me an impersonal "Happy V Day" text message. He then proceeded to break our evening plans with the excuse that he had come down with something, but not too sick to brag about buying flowers for his mother and a random widow on Facebook. Ain't love grand? However, when I was single the year before I had a wonderful day treating myself to lunch, a trip to the spa, ice cream, and a Valentine's Day Party that night complete with men who appreciated being in my presence, even if only for an hour or so. My point is that while having a love shower you with affection, chocolates, and roses can make for a wonderful Valentine's Day, that can all go south if your significant other doesn't find the day (or you) well, significant. Valentine's Day is what you make it, so in 2013, buy yourself some chocolate, have that sassy dress and heels (or suit) ready to dance the night away with or without a guy/gal on your arm. That sounds like one heck of a New Years Resolution, huh? ;)

Pump Your 'Breaks'

Imagine you’ve been on the phone for the past hour and you’ve been put on hold…and then essentially hung up on by that customer service representative whose tone of voice indicated that she was too through caring about why the internet-phone-TV package you are paying for wasn’t working for you. There was no closure or solution; just an empty dial tone full of bitterness and denial. As the music droned, you continued to see red and wondered why she wasn’t just upfront about not being there for you in your time of media systems crisis so that you could find someone else who would. Well, at least that’s one way of looking at the infamous relationship “break”. Most of the people I encounter in the dating scene don’t know what the heck a break really is, or what it actually entails. Numerous questions dance in their heads like: Are we still…together? Should I change my Facebook status to something more ambiguous? Why did he change his Facebook status?! How long is this supposed to last? If they cheat, can you technically call it cheating since we’re on a break? Should we contact each other? Should I call him/her first – will that make me look desperate? Are we allowed to see other people? Is he seeing HER?! This list could go on and on, so here’s my definition:

A “break” n. - The metaphorical equivalent of slowly pulling the band-aid off halfway, allowing infection to set into your relationship.

You’ve probably been hit with the break by at least one partner like a foul ball that pops you in the head while you’re scarfing down nachos at a baseball game. Your relationship was probably at a point where it seemed to be running over every possible bump in the road for no reason; and while you longed to communicate the heck out of those irrational problems, your partner jumped ship and suggested you two “just take a break”. While some breaks are mutual between partners as a type of breather, most are not. Why? Because one partner is seeking a temporary out, but wants to leave his/her option open to return in case the grass isn’t as green on the other side and is, rather, infested with zombies, or some other flesh eating virus. Let me tell you, I NEVER do breaks. Like, ever. To me, it’s a cop-out. My philosophy is, ‘don’t let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya, because you’re never walking back through my door again’. Breaks are indecisive, indefinite and inconsiderate if it’s nowhere in the other person’s parameters of working things out; especially if it’s a way of avoiding communication and confrontation…or the truth. Most likely, your “break” is his/her spring break, and while you’re journaling out ways to make things better when(ever) s/he comes back, your love is probably playing beach volleyball with the half-naked trainer. My advice to you, dear readers: never tolerate the suggestion of a break in your romantic relationship. If you’re both mature enough to be in it for the long haul, great! Work out and talk through your problems. If worse comes to worse, fully break up and perhaps you two will find your way back to each other down the road. Wouldn’t you want to be given the chance to find someone who appreciates you and your time instead of pining away for someone who is taking you for granted? Never put your life on hold for someone else.


What's your definition of "taking a break"? Have you ever been on one? What did you do or not do?

'The Big Picture'

I’ve seen this photo floating around Facebook and I think what disturbs me the most is when I see comments beneath it like, “Yeah, finally someone said it!” or “I hope the real facts come to light now!” What disturbs me about these comments is that there almost seems to be a mindset, illustrated by this photo, that if the law can prove that Trayvon Martin was ‘just a thug’ through pictures and documentation of high school punishments and reprimands, then his killing will be justified.

I’m not naïve to the fact that various media outlets have their own bias, be it political or social; Fox News comes to mind. With that said, the media is going to show what it thinks will shock viewers. This case is shock worthy in its own right when you look at the case, outside of race lines, and see that an unarmed 17 year old was killed by a self appointed head neighborhood watch guard who allegedly pursued the victim. The reason that this case has become a firestorm in the media is very much due to race, and the fact that the victim was unarmed, hadn’t even reached the age to vote yet, and had no criminal record.

When I look at the four quadrants of this larger photo, I’m not fazed by the Cheshire grin of Zimmerman’s job photo ID. I am fazed by the fact that he has a mugshot. A mugshot that was taken based on documented charges that allude to a history of violence. While the charges may have been dropped, it’s pretty coincidental that both of his parents had occupations within the judicial system. The photo of Martin flipping the bird to the camera may be lackluster, shall we say, and was obtained from a social network. I sincerely hope that if you, reader, are ever in trouble with the law that the Facebook photo of you cocking your sawed-off shotgun, ogling the semi-nude spring break co-ed, or visibly drunk amongst bottles of liquor during the underage years of high school never surfaces.

Oh, but wait.

Trayvon Martin wasn’t in trouble with the law.

He was killed.



Photo courtesy of http://imgace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/dont-believe-in-the-media-narrative.jpg

Social Networking at the Heartbreak Hotel

Let's face it. Social networking services are taking over on the rise with billions of users active on sites which include Facebook, Twitter, and yes, even old, dusty MySpace (which has recently been swallowed whole by the vortex of Facebook). You, almost all of your friends, pseudo friends, and even -- time to face the harsh reality -- your parents are site users. There's just something about social networking sites that prompts users to 'throw caution to the wind' and post revealing photos, statuses, and information that they otherwise wouldn't want known or disclosed.

When it comes to personal, romantic relationships, social networking sites have played a major role in many a messy breakup. Facebook, especially, has been known to lead to breakups often followed by 'custody' battles over mutual friends. More underhanded schemes by scorned lovers/users have included posting photos to insight jealousy in an ex. Interestingly and sadly enough, many lies, misconceptions, and withheld information from a significant other have been discovered by simply logging on.

Below are a few possible (and somewhat obvious) social networking signs that your significant other may be less like Prince Charming or the Fair Maiden, and more like CLU 2 (a little Tron for you):

• Your significant other's relationship status never seems to change from 'single'.
• He/she keeps old photos or photo albums of an ex up, visible to you (whether they are social networking friends or not). 
• Status updates and/or tweets revolve more around the ex, or others of the opposite sex, but rarely (to never) about you. 
• Excessive communication with an ex via messages, tweets, wall posts, and/or statuses. 

Hmmmm.

Facebook's pages are also polluted with third-party ads. What I find ironic is that despite its proclivity to be the battleground for messy breakups, it never falters in providing loads of dating and singles ads along the side of the screen. For some it may seem to say: "Ahh, sorry about your breakup...Ready to mingle?" Classy, Facebook.

"This is MySpace! You're in my Facebook! Don't touch my Twitter!"

The 21st century has, so far, brought us a discovery of water on the moon, the Human Genome Project, the iPad, 'Stargate Atlantis', and....social networking trends.

Launched in 2004, Facebook was first out of the gate for significant social networking. With the ability to keep up with and stay in touch with friends while donning your own unique profile, Facebook was streaming through thousands of dorm rooms and millions of operating systems. And, honestly, who doesn't like to go to their homepage and find that they've been "poked"? However, recently, with Facebook's ever-changing and questionable privacy settings and formatting, new announcements are making some people less, not more, inclined to use it. In the past, many users' safety had been compromised when their accounts were hacked into and mass amounts of spam and viruses were sent to their friends. True, if you don't fully log out of your page on a public computer, or you don't change your password regularly, you may be setting yourself up for a possible hack. But Facebook was, and still is, receiving many raised eyebrows.

MySpace had its time to shine from about 2006 to 2008, knocked off the top of the charts by Facebook's steadily rising visitor numbers. MySpace started off as the headquarters for interacting with celebrities. To be honest, I never signed up for MySpace and, therefore, don't know that much about it. I'm pretty sure that I saw some cobwebs and heard some crickets, though, when I visited some friends' MySpace pages. Do people even remember that they still have accounts? Just saying. I do know that MySpace has had its share of security problems as well, many being sex offender related.

*Insert rolling tumbleweed*

 

Enter Twitter with its blue bird mascot! (And "fail whale" for those less functioning times that do occur). Twitter has a mascot. How cool is that? Remember in high school, the coolest mascot always won out. Twitter's popularity took off in 2007 and is quite addictive. With real-time posts, news stories, and updates, celebrity postings and photos, Twitter has millions of users and is dishing out some serious 'tweetage.' I have recently started using it and very much enjoy it. The biggest 'competition' now lies between Twitter and Facebook, with new features for the latter being eerily similar to the former. As with anything people, be smart when you're on the web. Okay then. Go ahead and continue tweeting or playing Farmville.