Passive-Aggressive Texter

Ahhh, the passive aggressive text. We've all gotten one. You know, that seemingly random message that pops up on your phone screen from a significant (hopefully past) other who appears to be talking to someone else. Whether it was a 3 a.m. "drunk" text or a middle of the day text, you probably know it when you see it. I read a Gawker post today about a 31 year old woman who went on one movie date with a lawyer. Following the date he texted her that he had a good time, wanted to get to know her better, liked her, and then proceeded to ask her if she wanted to get to know him better too.

Time out.

Let me just say that already I'm turned off by this approach of texting these post-date feelings. Then again, I'm not a big fan of texting. Positive as his message may have initially sounded, to me, texting can be cowardly. He was setting her up to have to respond via text her emotions and desires for future dates instead of inquiring face to face or via phone immediately after the date. He had a 50/50 chance. She politely thanked him for the date and told him that she didn't feel they had a connection. Now, if you read Gawker you know that those texts are now enlarged and posted...shared...and posted some more on numerous sites for thousands of people to see. And comment on. What follows is him texting her back that she's missing out and he would have done anything for her. While, down the road, that very well may have been true, his post the next day belittling her, her looks, and the date, that "accidentally" went to her and not his friend eliminates any respect for him.

(And the message was looong. Like, at least three text boxes worth. Do men really text each other memoirs like that?! If so, I'm jealous.)

His transparent text an hour later apologizing and promising the text referred to another woman made matters more despicable. Really, how many women did you take to see The Avengers yesterday?! Texts that "accidentally" show up on your phone are often just that. Accidents. But sometimes they're attempts to get a response, the last awful word, insult, or take some type of relationship stand without having to take full responsibility; or as a way to segway into what they've wanted to say, but haven't had the guts to bring up. I've received a few since dating through texting has gotten out of control and saw right through them. Silence is often a good policy as to not sink to their level after you've seen the person's true colors, but a simple, "who is this?" can also turn the tables quite nicely. ;)

Texting is for the Birds

“The way to a woman’s heart is not through a text message.” 

That is my facebook status today and I have gotten a lot of feedback, so I thought I’d expound. In an age with texting, social media, and interactive games with instant messaging features, it’s no wonder landline phones are the dinosaurs of communication. It used to be that, in the realm of dating and courtship, a first date was often preceded by an initial, preliminary phone call to establish interest and typically set up plans for a first date. A successful first date was followed up by another call, more dates and so forth. These days, text messaging has become front and center making dating, in my opinion, less classy. Do I look like a court stenographer? If I wanted to spend my days and nights typing, I’d get another job for it and date a nice lawyer.

~P.S. If anyone knows any nice, single lawyers out there, send him my way...

I digress. Honestly, how many times have you met someone and the next contact is a bland text message? It’s even more aggravating when s/he initiates with a vague and short message of “Hey” and you have to go through a couple extra texts just to find out who is the mystery texter. I make it a point to tell a potential suitor that continual texting is not how I roll. I didn’t take public speaking courses and get a degree in English to not “use my words.” Texting can be impersonal, unemotional, and misleading. Texting between friends is one thing, but when you’re trying to establish a deeper connection with someone, texting is not the way to go. Though I’ve made my dislike of texting clear in the beginning, most recently, guys I’ve dated started off strong with the calling and “wanting to hear my voice” to dropping into an inability to press “call” rather than “send message.” (Destiny Child’s song “Say My Name” comes to mind at this point even more so.) When texts start to be more frequent than time spent with your partner and addressing it doesn’t seem to phase him or change anything, it’s time to get out. Now, I am a huge fan of sweet, random, affectionate text messages, especially during work hours. However, I and many others are not fans of texting becoming someone’s sole means of communicating with a partner.

The point where you know our society has an unhealthy obsession with texting is when people have no qualms about breaking up with someone via a text message. That is the lowest form of disrespect, cowardice, and heartlessness. (Especially when it’s a break up because of that person’s cheating and / or lies.)