Tuesday, November 13, 2012

PMS: I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar

I realized this weekend that if cameras had been following me around during my unscripted short film, PMS: I Am Woman Hear Me Roar, I probably could have made millions. You see, along with one silver hair, loads of new wisdom, and a quarter life crisis that could sink a ship, turning a Quarter of a Century appears to have brought the most massive PMS episode of my entire life. The kind of PMS episode they don’t show you in feminine commercials, electing to show women cart-wheeling on beaches, because that would be just downright depressing, right? Right?! Well, what you probably won’t see in a commercial is: 1. A woman passing out, face-first, from fatigue into her plate of dinner 2. A woman salivating outside the window of Edible Arrangements because that much chocolate in one place is just asking to be ravaged like a scene from Godzilla 3. A woman lying on the floor in what appears to be atrophy as vicious level 5 cramps attack her uterus and back. 4. A woman sobbing uncontrollably in her car during break time for small reasons all amplified by 1000. 5. A woman shouting belligerently like the Hulk in the middle of the Walmart parking lot because someone left their shopping cart in one of a only a few free spaces. Actually, you might see that on any given day…

You probably won’t see those things, but that woman was me.

Long story short, menstrual periods are serious and seriously affect the way a woman’s mind and body works for about an entire week out of every single, long, hard, friggin’ month. Why do you think we bite the heads off of men (figuratively of course-we're not praying mantises) who condescendingly question whether our ______ (insert any emotion or action here) is due to “that time of the month”?

Oh, and if you don't believe the intensity, check out this clip from "New Girl" episode Menzies on FOX.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Pump Your 'Breaks'

Imagine you’ve been on the phone for the past hour and you’ve been put on hold…and then essentially hung up on by that customer service representative whose tone of voice indicated that she was too through caring about why the internet-phone-TV package you are paying for wasn’t working for you. There was no closure or solution; just an empty dial tone full of bitterness and denial. As the music droned, you continued to see red and wondered why she wasn’t just upfront about not being there for you in your time of media systems crisis so that you could find someone else who would. Well, at least that’s one way of looking at the infamous relationship “break”. Most of the people I encounter in the dating scene don’t know what the heck a break really is, or what it actually entails. Numerous questions dance in their heads like: Are we still…together? Should I change my Facebook status to something more ambiguous? Why did he change his Facebook status?! How long is this supposed to last? If they cheat, can you technically call it cheating since we’re on a break? Should we contact each other? Should I call him/her first – will that make me look desperate? Are we allowed to see other people? Is he seeing HER?! This list could go on and on, so here’s my definition:

A “break” n. - The metaphorical equivalent of slowly pulling the band-aid off halfway, allowing infection to set into your relationship.

You’ve probably been hit with the break by at least one partner like a foul ball that pops you in the head while you’re scarfing down nachos at a baseball game. Your relationship was probably at a point where it seemed to be running over every possible bump in the road for no reason; and while you longed to communicate the heck out of those irrational problems, your partner jumped ship and suggested you two “just take a break”. While some breaks are mutual between partners as a type of breather, most are not. Why? Because one partner is seeking a temporary out, but wants to leave his/her option open to return in case the grass isn’t as green on the other side and is, rather, infested with zombies, or some other flesh eating virus. Let me tell you, I NEVER do breaks. Like, ever. To me, it’s a cop-out. My philosophy is, ‘don’t let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya, because you’re never walking back through my door again’. Breaks are indecisive, indefinite and inconsiderate if it’s nowhere in the other person’s parameters of working things out; especially if it’s a way of avoiding communication and confrontation…or the truth. Most likely, your “break” is his/her spring break, and while you’re journaling out ways to make things better when(ever) s/he comes back, your love is probably playing beach volleyball with the half-naked trainer. My advice to you, dear readers: never tolerate the suggestion of a break in your romantic relationship. If you’re both mature enough to be in it for the long haul, great! Work out and talk through your problems. If worse comes to worse, fully break up and perhaps you two will find your way back to each other down the road. Wouldn’t you want to be given the chance to find someone who appreciates you and your time instead of pining away for someone who is taking you for granted? Never put your life on hold for someone else.

What's your definition of "taking a break"? Have you ever been on one? What did you do or not do?

Manic Music Monday

Have you ever had one of theose days where you just had to tune the world out with music? I’m talking about having your Mp3/Ipod glued to your hip, earbuds jammed in like corks in wine, volume cranked up like a Rolling Stones concert, and the world just whizzing by like the blurred collage of colors in a nighttime photo. I had that today. I had my music with me all day except for my trip to the public restroom where my ‘art of the squat’ sparked the fear of my phone or earbuds and the public toilet having an unplanned meeting. *Shivers* Anyway, while days like this by their very definition are intense, hard, and depressing, there’s nothing like getting lost in the maze of lyrics by your favorite artists on your playlist.

My titular use of alliteration already has me feeling better.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

2012 Election: Vote!

"Don't just stand there, let's get to it
Strike a pose, there's nothing to it, 

2008 was my first year eligible to vote in what was an epic election. I was super excited. However, upon arriving at the polls, I proceeded to have what is probably the biggest anxiety attack of my life. Thoughts like, "what if I unknowingly mess up my ballot and it doesn't count?"; "why is this poll worker giving me the stink eye?"; "will this tiny voting booth-stand trigger an onset of claustrophobia?"; "what if my vote is the vote that decides who wins the election?" danced in my head. At the end of the day, all of that went out of my head when I realized that I had just used my 'voice'; and while that voice is one among millions, it was my voice speaking up and voting for who and what I believe in. 

During this election season I have heard many people, specifically young people, making comments or arguments about why they aren't going to be voting, followed by the commonly used phrase, "don't judge me." Their reasons often vary among not wanting to choose between two politicians whom they don't agree with, religion, the pessimistic view that their vote won't make a difference, and hatred for the government. Newsflash, whether you hate the government and choose to take yourself out of the aspect of voting, there will still be a government in this country so, in my opinion, utilize your vocal freedom. As an African-American woman, two characteristics that only a few decades ago would have restricted me from voting, I see voting as an honor and privilege in this country. So I stood proudly at the polls because "if you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything." With that being said, I was very happy to be #8 in line to early vote this morning for the 2012 election. I Voted Today! 

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Supernatural Season 8

If you’re a fan of awesomesauce, then you’ve probably been keeping up with the Season 8 return of Supernatural. Bonus points since it is no longer on the deadzone time for shows, Friday. In true Winchester fashion of breaking out of less than stellar dimensions like hell, Dean has busted out of Purgatory with a new weapon, a sexy grumpier attitude (think Wolverine) and a new “friend”. Prophet and math genius Kevin Tran escaped Crowley’s clutches with a new, more mature haircut and knowledge on how to bring an end to demons, and Sam has been playing house with a veterinarian and a dog he named “Dog”, for a year.

Side note: Has anyone else noticed Sam now seems to have a type of woman that is the opposite of his murdered love Jessica? While Jessica was blonde and bubbly, all of Sam’s subsequent relationships/flings/hook-ups have been with dark haired women who are a bit dry to me (with the exception of Sarah from “Provenance”): Ruby #2, Sarah, Madison the werewolf, the doctor in “Sex and Violence”, and now this veterinarian who is just…blah.

I digress. Throughout the last eight seasons, Dean and Sam have seen their share of tension and knock down, drag out fist fights due to arguments, supernatural abilities, lies, betrayal, and destinies that put them on opposite sides of the good versus evil fence. However, I miss the days of old when Sam and Dean were having epic hugs more often, saving each other at the drop of a hat, singing Bon Jovi in ‘Baby’, the Impala, or selling their souls when the other found himself at Death’s door. Though I don’t want either man dying (again) anytime soon, I miss their “Jerk”…“Bitch” relationship. They are again at a point of resentment over Sam not looking for Dean and Dean keeping secrets with a friend he made in Purgatory. This season will definitely be interesting but I’m hoping Sam and Dean will get back to status quo. I’m thinking a third party like hunter Garth might help bring them back together. With Bobby’s passing, they are all they’ve got now. Seriously.